The band is at home this week. I haven’t seen Joey or Lu in about 5 days. We’re all staying busy wrapping up things before we GO TO JOSHUAFEST on thursday. Lu is mixing an album in the studio and spending time with his wife while Joey attended a high school reunion and grabbed us some more eps. I have been irrefutably the most lazy. I was spending most of my free time with my girlfriend. She went back to college last weekend.
Now, I’m trying to entertain myself at home because everyone normal in my hometown have jobs or classes eating up their days. I live like a housewife, making meals and cleaning when my boredom is too severe. I like trying to pull my weight around my house the 4 or 5 weeks I actually spend here.
I started watching a zombie movie on hulu last night. I don’t want to give it’s name, because it had content I’m not proud of, and I don’t think I need to name it because EVERY ZOMBIE MOVIE HAS THE SAME PLOT! Have you ever noticed that?
Zombie plague breaks out. No one saw it coming. You’re led to believe the government is behind it, but they don’t know how to stop it. Maybe a doctor was trying to create something good, and it inadvertently went horribly wrong.
So now you have a group. This group includes a strong, quiet guy that gets the big gun. He has some untold backstory where he has always had guns at his side.
There’s a weak little lady that lost a dad, or husband, and really doesn’t pull her weight, but she’s pretty, so she’ll make it to the end.
There’s the terrible guy. He runs his mouth, and makes you hate him. His only purpose is to annoy the audience until he becomes a zombie and gets shot in the face.
Don’t forget the token “ethnic” character that is there to complain about how his “people always die in the movies”, and then he gets killed.
Also, Slut girl. She’s in the movie just long enough to take her clothes off, then she’s dead meat.
Plot: Group tries to hide somewhere. That lasts for awhile, then they try to get away to somewhere safer.
If you are EVER in the unfortunate situation of surviving a zombie apocalypse, please follow these guidelines that 40 years of movies have taught us.
Never have Sex: No one gets the girl and lives 30 minutes after to tell about it.
Bites: If you get bit, don’t hide from the group. You will turn into a zombie when everyone thinks they’re safe, and they will hate you forever. It’s just not nice.
Ammo: If you have 6 bullets, there’s 7 zombies. If you have 12, they’ll have 13. That last one always has a knack for grabbing you just as you figure out you’re out of slugs. Always have a plan b.
Boats: For some reason, the living dead can still drown, because they never go near water. You must decide, would you rather get eaten on land, or die of dehydration and malnutrition on a boat? No how to use a boat and try to know where you’re going.
Loved ones: There is NO SAVING THEM. Shoot them before it’s too late.
Don’t trust animals:They look sweet, but they probably want to eat you, just like everyone else you used to trust.
Never wash the blood out of your clothes: Though it is incredibly unsanitary, and probably the way you’ll get infected, it makes you look so much more hardcore to the noobs. Keep it on your arms and in your hair too.
Try not to ever take off your clothes: There are few things as embarrassing as trying to flee for your life in nothing more than your socks and an 80’s band’s t-shirt. Plus, when you are overtaken and become a zombie, no one wants to see that.
In short, I am very ready to hit the road and socialize with people, instead of sitting around watching dumb movies.